Difficulties in Marriage

Marriage can be hard. There are so many problems that can arise and more and more often marriages are ending in divorce. People aren't always taking the time to work through things but instead are planning and preparing for it to end. The interesting thing though is that statistics show that 70% of divorced people say not only that they could have saved their marriage but also that they should have. If you learn how to respond to conflict and problems you could actually end up bringing yourselves closer together instead of the marriage ending. Something that my teacher said in class that really stood out to me was "I don't know anyone with a really fantastic marriage who didn't at some point go through really difficult times." This was so interesting to me because that's how life is with everything, if it comes easily the first time you try something do you really learn anything? Learning is why we were sent to this earth was to learn and grow. Throughout our marriages we will have disagreements and conflict will be inevitable. Conflict can be a really good thing and it shows that you care for those around you. Don't be afraid to talk about your problems, if you can talk them through with patience and love you can change the course of your marriage.

Raising Children

While raising children a lot of people focus on how strict they need to be and what they need to do to get their children to listen to them. The fallacy in this thinking is that children are more likely to listen to those they trust and those they know care about them rather than to those who are strict and who are looking for compliance. In class this week my teacher said something that really stuck out to me. He said, "Teaching is about preparing your child for life, it's not about compliance." This stuck out to me because looking back on the way I was raised really proved this saying. I feel as though my mom did an awesome job at teaching me. I always knew that she would listen to what I had to say and counsel with me. I knew the punishments before I ever did something bad. Because I knew what would happen and that it would disappoint her I often times would avoid the bad thing in the first place. Children need a lot of warmth and consistency. One way to provide this is to talk to them through encourages rather than discourages. Here is a list of each:

Discourages:                                                                           Encourages:
~focus on mistakes/weaknesses                   ------>                  ~ build on strengths
~expect the worst/too little                          ------>                   ~ show confidence
~expect too much/perfectionism                  ------>                  ~ value the child/teen as is
~over protect/pamper                                   ------>                  ~ stimulate independence

As you use encourages you build and strengthen your relationship with your child. I believe that sometimes parents don't realize how much their words effect their child whether they be good or bad. Many children grow up with self esteem problems because they are never good enough for their parents or their parents make them feel that way through the way they respond in different situations. If you want to look more into parenting and the effects it can have I suggest you look at http://www.activeparenting.com/ it can be a great source and help.                      

Attributes of Zion

Although the word is usually used in terms of location the Bible Dictionary gives us a latter day definition of the word Zion which is "the pure in heart." Throughout history people have searched for Zion, moving from place to place. But, the thing that I find most important about Zion is that although it can be a place it is also something that we can create. What makes Zion? Moses 7:18 says "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." As we come to a unity with those around us we begin to create Zion. 4 Nephi 1:3 talks about this when it says "They had all things common among them; there-for there were not rich and poor, bond and free, but they were all made free, and partakers of the heavenly gift." This is important because when you are in unity and things are made equal it takes away envy and pride. When people become envious they often end up trying to put themselves above others and creating separations. Elder Franklin D. Richards said "we can all be peacemakers by exhibiting love and goodwill, thus offsetting the evil of contention, envy, and jealousy." As we take away this pride, we also take away contentions, which creates Zion in our lives even more. 4 Nephi 1:15 talks about this when it states "And it came to pass that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people." I know that as we try to love those around us and serve them in any way we can, we will be able to build Zion in our lives. I challenge each of you to find a way to create a place of Zion for you and those around you.

Finances

There's a great talk/pamphlet called "One for the Money" by Elder Marvin J. Ashton. Its a guide to family finances. If you haven't read it I would strongly suggest it. (I will attach a link at the end of this post) Elder Ashton brings up a lot of good ideas that will help get financially secure and to stay there. One concept I really like is his Debt Elimination Calendar. This tool helps to organize your debt and get rid of it in a quick and efficient way. This is what it looks like:                                                                                             

Once you finish paying off one debt the money you were using for that moves into the next debt you need to pay off to help you get that one payed off faster as well. Another thing he talks about is learning to budget and manage your money. To this he says "Financial peace of mind is not determined by how much we make. But is dependent on how much we spend." When it comes to money management you need to make sure you are spending less than you are making or you will fall into debt quickly. When it comes to making decisions about money and what to spend it on Elder Ashton says "Married couples show genuine maturity when they think of their partner’s and their family’s needs ahead of their own spending impulses. Money management skills should be learned together in a spirit of cooperation and love on a continuing basis." Sometimes talking about money can be hard and you may have differing opinions but as you do so with love and understanding you can strengthen your marriage and god will help you to live a more financially peaceful life.

Sexual Intimacy

So today I want to talk about something that is a little bit more taboo, sexual intimacy. This topic u=is often something that people feel awkward discussing but I want to focus on what it is and not how it happens necessarily. Sexual intimacy is something that is meant to unite husband and wife together.. My teacher related it to a present. Say on your wedding day somebody brings in a huge present that you know is probably expensive and fragile. What would you do? Would you push your spouse out of the way and run to it and rip it open? Or, would you take your spouses hand and open it together. Sex is like this present, it is fragile and precious. If you jump right into it you may end up damaging the relationship but if you work with your partner and unwrap it slowly you will find it to be a much better experience. Another thing that was said in lass that stuck out to me was that we should make love not have sex. These are both different phrases for the same thing but if you think about what they mean there is a significant difference between them. Sex is meant to be something that draws you together with your spouse and creates more commitment and love, but in society now a days it is used as more of a fun thing that doesn't mean anything. You see it on TV, read about it in books, and hear about people doing it outside of the bonds of marriage all the time. When you are having sex your body releases high levels of oxytocin which causes more attachment. This can be very helpful for husband and wife but makes it hard for those who are having sex for fun because they get more attached to their partner just to have that taken away from them. Sex is a very sacred thing that we should be using to create love and commitment and not just for fun.

The Atonement

Hi  guys! This is once again a post that doesn't have anything to do with my family relations class. Rather this has to do with the atonement. Many people see the atonement only for repentance and for the chance to be resurrected. But the atonement holds so much more. It can give us strength and enable us to do things we never thought possible. Jesus Christ atoned for our sins so that he could understand what we are going through. He has felt all of our pains and sorrows. He knows us each more than we could ever imagine. When you are going through a hard time you can always turn to Him and he will help you through it. Jesus Christ knows exactly how we feel, with him we are never alone. He can give us the strength to move mountains. In Alma 56:56 it states "They had fought as if wiht the strength of God... with such miraculous strength and with such mighty power." I know that Heavenly Father loves each of us and he sent his son Jesus Christ to show us the way home and to give us the strength to fight temptations and hard times. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

The Wedding and Marriage

This week in class we talked about the wedding and marriage. We discussed the weddings symbolism a lot more than I ever had before. It was interesting to see how important some of the rituals we go through actually are. The one I thought was the most interesting was the wedding reception. I always thought of this as just a fun party to celebrate the new couple and in a way it is. Although it is also an opportunity to set some clear boundaries and for the families and friends of the couple to welcome the couple as a new family. These are important because it is necessary to have some boundaries between the couple and those around them. It is also good to have the husband and wife plan their wedding together. Often times it is planned more with the wife and her mom. This is good but it also builds the relationship between them instead of building the one between the husband and wife. Boundaries and experiences that build the relationship between the two getting married are important because when hard times come the husband and wife will be more likely to lean on each other and strengthen their marriage rather than leaning on others. This is going to be highly beneficial when they are first married because marriage comes with a lot of change. Some of the changes are big while others are smaller. These changes include having somebody always there with you, having to combine your schedules, sharing a bed/bedroom, creating rituals like scripture study and dinner time, and making big decisions together like when to have kids, what to do about education, jobs, where to live, and so much more. Marriage has a lot of mutual decision making involved. One thing my teacher said that really stuck out to me was, "When it comes to marriage you must care at least as much about what your partner wants as what you want." I hope this blog has been helpful and brings some insights you hadn't heard before. Thanks for reading and remember a strong happy marriage can be one of the greatest blessings in your life, but it takes work.